This past menstrual cycle has indicated that my uterus is back in balance. I remember the day, it felt as though someone had placed a ten pound ball inside my vagina. I could not associate to anything familiar. From that period until this last one I had experienced heavy flows. So much that I named her visits the Red Queen, after the episode of Game of Thrones.
I have always had wonderful periods. No pain and gone within three days. Not after that day. They would last a whole entire week long. What the hell? Of course I went to the doctor 👨⚕️ and he had explained that a fibroid had developed. No one ever knows why they develop, they just do. He stated that this will be my new experience until I reach menopause. He recommended some birth control therapy to try to get my days back to the usual three. After several different ones, they did not work. So I stopped taking them.
As I mentioned in a previous blog my son is now here with me. Around the time when my fibroid appeared he was dealing with some major life situations. I began to worry about him. My concern for him was deep.
He grew and lived inside my uterus for nine months, as he had to be delivered at thirty-six weeks. He was not ready. I feel there exists a connection between him not being ready and the Mother of my uterus. Yes, the Mother of my uterus.
Who nurtured and cared for him first? The Mother of my uterus. Perhaps she was not ready to let go no more than he was ready to enter the world.
One day I made a decision that sent him on his way without him knowing it. I sent him off to college. I made preparations and everything. He was not going to be another person of Color without a high school diploma and without a direction in life. My fear for his life in Miami-Dade, FL was worse than me sending him off to a stranger in a strange town that was states away. Poplarville, MS? I had never heard of it and that is where he was headed.
Perhaps the Mother of my uterus knew I had not engaged in him in regards to this decision. Perhaps some deep down part of me recognized every parent that had made a decision on my behalf without consulting me…considering me. Here I had did the same thing. Thinking it was what was best for him. He was not ready. And once again the Mother of my uterus was not ready to let him go.
The funny thing is that my daughter went full term. I even believe that she was late. I don’t ever have one concern for her well being. She released when she was ready or when the Mother of my uterus had determined it was time for her to come into her own existence.
Two things I hold to be true. One is that how we exit our Mother’s womb have bearings on how we perceive our worlds. The other is that our emotions are connected to our organs.
My son is never ready. And feels he has all the time in the world, to make mistakes and have plenty of do overs. Everyone has advised me on how to handle his homecoming. I think I will consult the Mother of my uterus. Instinctively to allow her to guide me.
So far she has tamed me to have patience for him. In addition to, she has guided me to have a watchful eye and yet to be silent and still. This is not my time to be me. It is my time to give him the weeks that were snatched from their embrace. Offering him words of wisdom when the time is right and allowing for him to make his move when he deems ready. I am not to intervene. My home is his cocoon just as the Mother of my uterus was. I am to keep him safe just as the Mother of my uterus once did. She had no concern for his mental state, just his physiological as a strong body develops a strong mind.
The cluttered clothes in the corner are an eye sore for me and a concern for his mental state. The Mother of my uterus tells me that they are an indication of his stages. Perhaps the pile will grow or in time will disappear. Be silent, watchful, and still she chants in the back of my mind. Only when it grows will I need to intervene. And when it disappears, I only have to know that he is then ready to take on the world.
Since he has been here, two weeks to the date. I have not had the same worry for him. I say high five to the Universe for moving this energy. Ladies that experience reproductive challenges, I hope you can find the comfort and trust of checking in with yourself. Perhaps you dropped some emotions in there that you may have forgotten about. Check in to begin your process of healing.
Once again thanks for reading. I welcome your feedback and comments.