The Art of Healing is a Process of mindful Pride and Soulful Forgiving that is ongoing to be your Best You
Only a few days ago I realized that we all need healing. It does not matter from what or whom, we all need a healthy transition to our next venture. I am not going to label any steps as we are all at different levels within our healing process. Notice I used the word ‘process’ as to imply ongoing.
Somethings we will be able to discard as if they were yesterday’s news. Other things we hold onto or they may hold on to us with tight fists and it will take time for us to disconnect to those situations and individuals. And last but not least the monsters we curl up to at night, they are not who we are 100% of the time. Their existence have manifested by the ways others have treated us or created unpleasant situations for us. And when there exists mega emotional occurrences each monster rears its ugly head, it only means that we have been triggered.
I am not a doctor nor do I play one on T.V., I am however a person that has dealt with many like to the sixth power of events that did not have favorable outcomes for me. We all have situations that have occurred as youths and adults. Majority of mine were as a child. Its hard to go back to a three month old baby, a three year old child, an eight year old child, a twelve year old girl, a thirteen year old girl, and a sixteen year old girl to say it is not your fault and all things happen for a reason. They are all here with me and as my soul sisters they remind me, keep an eye on things, and will cut a bitch if I let them (the twelve year old). They are my monsters.
They don’t let me forget it, ever. I can’t go back and heal them by holding them tight, loving on them, and caressing each and everyone of them in their moment of needing it. As an adult I can however, learn to control my monsters. I watch out for triggers. Current situations and events that are reflective of those I experienced in my youth. They will conjure up certain feelings, bad thoughts, and anxieties. It takes some serious mindfulness to get to this step in the healing process. ‘Mindfulness’ another word in the ongoing process.
Being present in the moment, no matter what the event is just being there grounded in the presence. It helped me to realize that what I am actually feeling is not reflective of that current situation. So all those emotions, feelings, and ugliness I was giving to another, it was not even about him/her. That is how I recognized my triggers. I let individuals whom may have the opportunity to pull the trigger know that he/she should not rest his/her finger there. Before I figured it was a process that involved being mindful of my triggers, I had to endure the Christian faith that taught me how to forgive others and most importantly to forgive myself. ‘Forgiving’ the most powerful of the process.
Forgiving leads to letting go. Not forgetting as I remember every erroneous act towards me. Forgiving myself for creating the situation, for not standing up for myself, and for shaming myself. Forgiving the other relinquishes the power that I have bestowed upon him/her and gives me back my power aka my happiness. Many of days I converse with a person that has wronged me in one way or the other. As an adult no bad feelings. Now one of my monsters (the eight year old) would love to be able to tell him/her what to do and where to go. And in that moment I breath, hard and long. Then I think no shame on me for his/her discretions.
What is the opposite of shame? Pride, right? Goodness leads to pride. Doing good things and feeling great about doing good leads to wonderful accomplishments and then to pride. Hold onto that pride and don’t let anyone tell you any differently. One will mistake it for vanity, know that it is not the same. It is owning up to the goodness of your truest capabilities and there does not exist any shame in that.
So what if we were dealt a band hand. Demand a re-shuffle and this time, you cut the cards. We as women try so hard to protect ourselves from others. Only because we know the pain. And we will do whatever it takes to not feel it. It is okay to feel the pain just don’t dwell in it. Make a decision and move on. Live life without any shame. Understand and accept that you make your decisions for you and what is best for you, no other. Shame is a brand that we need to boycott. And slap the individual in the face who tries to pass it down. Because that is exactly what it is, a hand me down. Find your pride and roar, if you don’t your monsters will.
In the beginning of this I teared up. Stroking those memories can be difficult. My spirit moved on as I had a bigger point to get out. And that is, you are the only key to your heart’s truest desires to be happy. It does not matter of your lifestyle choices, if one doesn’t appreciate you, go and find ten others that will. From the words of Genghis Kahn’s mother, “Your shadow is your only friend.”
I thank you for your time to read and hope you find comfort in being who you are.